Handling grief on special occasions
A closer look at processing grief over the holidays and on special occasions
Holidays and special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries may be a time when you get together with family and friends. Often, if you’ve lost someone you love, you might be reminded that this person isn’t around. This can be a hard and each person will cope with this differently.
Here are some ideas that may help you better manage these special occasions:
Plan for the day. Treat the anniversary or special occasion in the same way as you do other important days. Plan ahead. Talk with your family and friends about the best way to remember your loved one.
Allow yourself to be sad. These occasions might have been a time you spent with someone you’ve lost. It’s normal to feel sad that this person is no longer with you. It may help to take some time out for yourself to remember the person you love. You might want to:
Find a quiet spot to remember all the good things about the person
Do something that you used to do with that person
Write a letter to the person
Revisit a favorite spot that you shared
Share some of the memories with people who were also close to the person
It is O.K. to enjoy yourself. It might be hard to celebrate when you’re missing someone you love. It’s not uncommon to have a whole lot of different feelings, like sadness, guilt or excitement. Getting together with family and close friends can be a chance to remember the good times with the person who’s died, and it’s O.K. to relax and have a laugh. Having fun is not necessarily a sign that you miss that person any less.
Look after yourself. This might be a tough time for you, so remember to take care of yourself. Avoid making major decisions until after holidays are over. If possible, treat yourself to something you enjoy doing. Here are some ideas to help you relax:
Go to the beach
Go for a walk
Play a sport
Listen to music
Get a massage
Hang out with friends
Check out the Relaxation article for more ideas.
Talk to someone. It might be helpful to talk to someone you trust—like a family member, friend or teacher. If you’re finding it hard to cope with day-to-day stuff, it might help to talk to someone like a counselor or other mental health professional. You can also get information on local mental health professionals from your medical doctor.
If you’d rather talk to someone immediately, try Lines for Life’s YouthLine at 1-877-968-8491. This hotline is free and staffed by trained volunteers who are available 24/7 to talk to you. They also have texting and online chat options available. If you’d like more resources, check out our crisis helpline directory.
Avoid bottling stuff up. Getting stuff off your chest is important. Tension can build up if you keep your feelings to yourself, and finding a way to get it out can help you feel better. You may want to talk to someone, write your thoughts down, draw, cry or punch some pillows. Check out the Express Yourself article for more ideas about how to get stuff off your chest. The Developing Coping Strategies may also be worthwhile to check out.
Information for this article was provided by:
Some of the information is adapted from the book After Suicide, Help For The Bereaved by Sheila Clark. Published in 1995 by Hill of Content Publishing Company Pty Ltd, Melbourne 3000.
Acknowledgements: This article was originally developed by youth and staff for us.ReachOut.com