emotional abuse

Intimate Partner Violence

 
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Intimate Partner Violence and Domestic Violence

A closer look at how to recognize intimate partner violence and what to do if you’re in an abusive relationship

 

What is intimate partner violence?

Intimate partner violence (IPV) is abuse that takes place between two people who have a romantic relationship—spouses, partners, boyfriends and girlfriends. Many people also use the word “domestic violence.” IPV can occur in many forms and can affect people of any age. If someone is hurting you, it can be frightening, and you might not know how to make the abuse stop—especially if you live with the person who is abusing you. It’s important to remember that no one has the right to be violent toward you and there are people who can help you.

IPV can take on many forms, including:

Physical/Sexual. Forms of physical violence include pushing, shaking, punching, slapping, forcing you to do sexual acts against your will, throwing things at you, using weapons, damaging your property, or hurting or killing your pets. If someone is being physically violent to you, seek safety as soon as possible. Leave the situation as quickly and safely as possible, and call 911 or your local police.

Emotional/Verbal. This form of violence is often unrecognized as IPV, but it can be just as hurtful and damaging as physical violence. If someone is making threats, texting or speaking to you in a way that is frightening, putting you down, or using blackmail against you, he or she is being emotionally violent. Emotional violence also includes insulting you or teasing you in front of other people, keeping you isolated from family and friends, preventing you from having your own opinions and controlling what you do and where you go.

Economic. Having money—and making decisions about how to use it—is one form of independence. If someone is controlling your money, keeping you financially dependent, or forcing you to ask for money unreasonably, this is another form of IPV.

According to the CDC, 26% of women and 15% of men who were victims of contact sexual violence, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime first experienced these or other forms of violence by that partner before age 18.”

You might assume that IPV only happens between adults or in relationships where two people are living together. But this isn’t the case. In fact, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, teens are more likely to report violence in their romantic relationships than any other age group. According to a recent national survey, 8% of high school students reported physical violence and 7% reported that they had experienced sexual violence from an intimate partner within the last year.

How can I keep myself safe?

At times you might underestimate the amount of danger you’re in, either because you might not realize it or don’t want to accept how dangerous a situation is because you think that your partner really loves and cares for you. Your partner might promise to “never do it again”, you might feel like you are to blame for their behavior, or perhaps you think you can change your partner. But you are not responsible for your partner’s action—ever—and there are actions you can take to ensure that he or she does not hurt you anymore.

Steps to ensuring your safety:

  • Call the police. If you’re in immediate danger, call 911 or your local police.

  • Leave. It can be incredibly hard to end a relationship, especially if you’re sharing a home with the person who’s hurting you. Because the person who is abusing you might be manipulating you or isolating you from your friends and family, you might feel like you can’t leave, or that you have nowhere to go. But there is support for you when you feel like you should leave a place where you feel threatened or unsafe. If you need to leave, make sure to take important items, like your IDs, credit cards, cash and cell phone.

  • Get support. Making a decision to leave an unsafe relationship can be difficult. You don’t have to do it alone. Talk to someone you trust, like a friend, family member, counselor or social worker. You might also want to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or the National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline at 1-866-331-9474 or 1-866-331-8453. Hotline volunteers can direct you to local resources and shelters in your area where you can find additional help and support. Our crisis helpline directory also offer links to other services and resources in your country in Oregon, as well as national helplines.

IPV is just one form of violence. Abuse can come from adults, strangers, or your peers at school. You have the right to feel and be safe. For more information on steps you can take to ensure your safety, check out the following articles:

Information for this article was provided by:

Acknowledgements: This article was originally developed by youth and staff for us.ReachOut.com

Child Abuse

Child Abuse

A closer look at what child abuse is, why it happens, and what you can do if you’re being abused

What is child abuse?

Child abuse occurs when a parent or caregiver acts in a way that causes a child to be hurt physically or harmed emotionally, or fails to act to prevent such harm. When a person is abused as a child, the harm inflicted can last a lifetime. Research from the Child Welfare Gateway in the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) shows that children who are abused can have trouble developing mentally and emotionally, and be at higher risk to abuse drugs and alcohol as adults.

How does abuse happen?

Child abuse can take many different forms. Here are a few examples:

Physical abuse. According to Child Welfare Gateway, physical abuse is any physical injury to a child or young person under 18 that does not occur by accident. Physical abuse can include hitting, beating, shaking, punching, biting, burning or strangling. Under many state laws, physical abuse also includes making threats to harm a child or young person, or putting that young person in a situation that could cause serious harm.

Sexual abuse. Sexual abuse occurs when an adult forces a child or young person to engage in sexual acts, including sexual intercourse, penetration, masturbation, voyeurism (like taking sexual photographs or videos), or incest. Sexual abuse can also include forcing a young person to enter into prostitution.

Emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is a form of abuse that causes a child or young person to feel like they are worthless, flawed, and unloved. Someone can emotionally abuse another by belittling, threatening, bullying, ignoring, or isolating that person from others.

Neglect. Neglect is the failure of a parent or caregiver to provide food, shelter, clothing, medical care, education or supervision.

Why does abuse happen?

There’s no easy answer to this question. Several factors can contribute to a greater chance for child abuse within a family. For example, parents or caregivers who were abused as children, abuse alcohol or drugs, or have mental disorders like depression and anxiety might be more likely to abuse their children. Child abuse happens in every state, and among families of all religions and backgrounds, but in every situation, it is never O.K. to harm someone else.

The effects of abuse

Abuse is often confusing. It’s hard to understand that the same person that you rely on for survival and who is supposed to look after you can also harm you. Even if the abuse happened a long time ago, it can cause you to feel emotions that might stay with you for years. There’s often a spectrum of feelings that you may have to work through in order to begin healing.

Here are a few things you might experienced:

Fear. For obvious reasons, many survivors of abuse are afraid of the people who abused them. They might also be scared of what will happen if they tell someone else that they’ve been abused. Fear can prevent victims of abuse from getting the help they need to stay safe or to deal with the abuse. Sometimes abuse can make survivors more fearful of people or situations in general and keep survivors from having meaningful relationships with others.

Nightmares and flashbacks. Some events that happen in your life can trigger memories of past abuse. For example, going back to the house you lived in when you were young, or a certain smell or food, might cause you to remember times when you were abused. You might also experience nightmares or flashbacks, which can almost be like reliving the abuse.

Anger. You might feel angry at the person who abused you, the other people in your life who might not have kept you safe, and even yourself. It’s normal to feel angry.

Guilt. You might feel as though you’re to blame for the abuse. For example, you might think that if you had done something differently-like had you gotten better grades or behaved better-the abuse wouldn’t have happened. But this is not the case. You are never to blame for abuse.

Low self-esteem. Abuse might cause you to doubt yourself or feel like you’re undeserving or unworthy. However, no matter what your abuser says, you are or were not worthless or a bad person. For tips on how to build and maintain self-esteem, check out the Self-Esteem article.

Denial. You might try to convince yourself that the abuse didn’t happen in order to bury your feelings. However, acknowledging the fact that you’ve been abused is the first step toward repairing the emotional damage it has done.

Taking the next step

Recovering from abuse can be a long process. It’s important that you have support from people who love you, as well as trained professionals, to work through your feelings.

Here are a few suggestions of where you can go to get help:

Call the police. If at any time you’re in an unsafe or potentially abusive situation, call 911 or your local police immediately.

Talk to someone. Although it might be difficult at first, it’s important to tell someone you trust if you are being abused or have been abused. People close to you, like trusted friends, family members, and teachers can support you and help you find professionals to talk to, like a counselor, psychologist, psychiatrist or social worker. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to someone in person, call the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD. This hotline is free, anonymous, and available 365 days a year. Trained volunteers can connect you to people in your area who can help.

Join a support group. This can be really helpful, as it gives you a place to share your experiences and feelings with people who understand and have been through similar experiences. A counselor or medical doctor can help you find a support group in your area.

The law

The definitions of child abuse vary from state to state, but at a minimum, state laws must protect young people under 18 from physical, emotional and sexual harm and neglect. People who abuse children (and people who fail to report child abuse if they know it is happening) can face jail time and penalties. Parents and caregivers who abuse children can also lose custody and parental rights to their children.

 

Information for this article was provided by:

Acknowledgements: This article was originally developed by youth and staff for us.ReachOut.com